"You are never too old to start over. Every day is a chance to make changes to create the life we want." Karen Waddell
Life is always going to have its ups and downs, good days and bad days, happy changes and sad changes. We are the ones to take charge of which way life and its changes will go.
These past few days, I have decided to go through some mental and physical changes; especially now that my life is very quickly transitioning to a new stage and into a brand new adventure that YHVH is taking me through. I’ve been running very hard away from this new stage, but now that I am accepting it, He is showing me how wonderful it is and how it’s going to be.
The first thing that has changed, for this new beginning, is the physical. My physical appearance in public (both in real life and online) has been that of a cosplayer and identity changing every day. Life was always a decision of ‘which character do I want to transform myself into today’? My daily list of this transformation was thus: (1): Hair had to be perfectly curled, straightened and styled. (2): Makeup had to enlarge eyes in the anime style, lips had to be tiny and pouty, and bright colours to match an ex centric outfit. (3): Outfit had to be fluffy, sparkly and meet the dolly requirements.
Constant Pinterest visits happened the night before into the early morning, to figure out which persona I was to transform into. I determined who I was going to look like, based off of fictional characters. And…everyone knew that as Lynzie.
In all that, no one could see the actual me through all of crazy wigs, makeup and fluff. No one asked about my personality, my interests, my goals, without having to bring up the outfits. And I would honestly start to get annoyed. What I wasn’t seeing, was that I had done this to myself and the annoyance should be towards me. I had created this unwanted image that the whole world saw, and it felt very lonely. I wondered why it was hard to make friends; to have people take me seriously. I allowed myself to build up this amount of pride, with how amazing I always looked; in return chasing everyone and everything away.
I have made the decision that I don’t want to live that lonely life anymore. I’m tired of feeling lonely, of being looked at and allowing myself to follow the world instead of being something different. And besides, constantly changing your identity every day starts to not only chase away potential new learning experiences, it also starts to take a toll on your physical health.
Another thing that I am changing, for this new beginning, is how I take care of my body and health. Constantly wearing fluffy clothes, heavy makeup and using heat for my hair doesn’t allow me to give myself the self care that my body has to have; as well sitting around for hours because the crazy shoes that I wear doesn’t give me a chance to walk properly for exercise. Haha, you would be surprised how much a cosplayer can’t do normally, when you are constantly wearing heavy clothes and high heels. I’ve neglected myself and it’s starting to show.
In these past few days of change, I’ve really been focusing on healthier food choices and talking morning/evening walks. I’ve discovered so many good and healthy recipes, as well as noticing that my body is getting stronger as I’ve been taking those walks.
I know that there are many cosplayers out there, who focus on their health just as much as their costumes, but I can’t be the only one who struggles with their weight and strength when you always focus on the next outfit/identity. It’s not fun and I would rather be happy in my own skin, than a fake one.
It’s been a long journey, trying to get myself back into a healthier stage than I have been. I used to be very active in my later teen years, and was a smaller size when I graduated. But, as life went on and the stresses came, that tends to allow weight to be gained. I don’t want to have worries in my life affect how my body is; which is why I am taking this change into my new beginning.
The last change that is a part of this new beginning is preparing myself for the new adventure that YHVH has gifted me; the future that I am planning with the man I am courting. All of this change that I have been working on is what is going to benefit the end goal that I have so earnestly prayed for.
I want to be able to give a well lasting impression on my future husband and children, as well as the people who will be a part of that new chapter. I don’t want to have the pride that I built up with my looks, as well as being unhealthy, affect what YHVH has in store for me. I want to be able to have long lasting types of things that my children will want to have in their own lives, or hobbies that me and my future husband can share together in privacy. I want to be able to build a beautiful, stable and YHVH centered relationship with my future family. And I can start that now, by allowing these changes to happen.
Like I said at the beginning; life is always going to have its ups and downs, good days and bad days, happy changes and sad changes. We are the ones to take charge of which way life and its changes will go. I’ve decided to start a new and positive change in my life. And I am so looking forward to it!
With love,
~ 𝐿𝓎𝓃𝓏𝒾𝑒
